Have you ever had an experience where you said, “Wow, what a coincidence.” Maybe it was more. Maybe it was a synchronicity. Let me explain through a Jungian perspective.
Carl Jung, the prominent Swiss psychiatrist, believed synchronicity meant ‘more than a coincidence.’ Jung, the thinker and founder of analytical psychology, connected synchronicities to the bigger world: the collective unconscious. These were not just assumptions on his part, Jung believed the collective unconscious was universal, meaning common to all people, because he listened and researched for decades the overlapping stories and myths that people shared with him, people from various cultures and societies worldwide. Jung also recorded people’s dreams from these many cultures and uncovered repetitive and often dominant themes and motifs. He called these themes archetypes and reasoned that they resided in a collective unconscious.
Some examples of universal archetypes are life, death, love, mother, father, child and the hero’s battle between good and evil. (Think Luke Skywalker in Star Wars.) The archetypes might have a different symbolism specific to that culture’s religion or cultural myth but the archetype remains the same. Consider the Virgin Mary known for her mercy as the all loving mother for the Christian community but Kwan Yin the Goddess of Compassion for Buddhism.
Therefore, if we wish to evaluate an event’s synchronicity, Jung believed certain elements and conditions needed to be present: first that the episode transcends a concrete event in a spiritual way and that outside events did not cause the synchronicity. Second, that the synchronistic occurrence must reflect back personal meaning to the individual experiencing it. Third, that the event is tied to deep emotion within that person. Fourth, that the synchronicity occurs at times of important transition in an individual’s life as after a death in the family or divorce or serious illness when how one proceeds afterward in his or her life seems unclear. (Clifton Snider, Ph.D.)
But how does this translate for you or me and how would it appear? Well, allow me to share two personal examples of what a synchronicity actually looks like and why a synchronistic experience feels extraordinarily meaningful to the person having it.
Last Thursday I boarded The Amtrak Vermonter and headed to Burlington to visit a friend and colleague I met in 1993 at The C. G. Jung Institute in Kusnacht, Switzerland. Eleven hours later my friend Jackie met me at the station. That evening we dined in. Following dinner Jackie abruptly leapt from her chair, “Mare, I want you to ’see’ this.” Adeptly winding a little music box she handed it over.
Two lady bugs - lemon yellow and cherry red in color - spun and twirled about. Beethoven’s beautiful “Fur Elise” tingled in the air. And here is the first synchronicity when time became suspended between two worlds. You see, my friends, Fur Elise was the favorite classical composition my deceased daughter Katie played often for me, a fact that Jackie had no idea about.
This awesome synchronicity led to a few tears, a tender hug, and a glance heavenward on this my first trip back to Vermont since dear Katie died. Yes, this experience hit my heart hard and fast because for me it transcended earthly existence because I felt it was a sign of Katie’s presence, a Devine presence, or both.
The weekend ended - as all things do - and I headed back to Philadelphia. This is where the second synchronicity begins to unfold. Shortly after leaving Vermont, the train stopped and a young family of three boarded. We exchanged smiles as they seated themselves across the aisle. From the corner of my eye I couldn’t help but observe the little boy’s joyful spirit. Naturally, I didn’t want to intrude (or did I?) but about an hour later I saw he had nothing to play with so what’s a therapist, mother, and grandmother to do with all of her extra paper and pens?
I leaned toward the father and inquired if his child might like to have a pad and pen. They asked him. He nodded affirmatively. I passed the pad and pen over to this little guy and returned to my reading. Fifteen minutes later he stood next to my seat. “Hello!” I looked up and smiled. He handed me a picture. It was a drawing of a woman and a little boy. The woman had glasses on. I had glasses on. I looked at him smiling so luminously.
“This is you” he said “and this is me!” He told me he was six years old. I was so delighted by this sweet and generous gesture and his emerging ego strength.
“What a wonderful picture you have drawn! Thank you! Would I be able to keep it?” He tells me that yes, it is mine now, and I think this is the best train ride I have ever had.
“What is your name, dear boy, so I will always think of you and this special day together on the train?” He looked directly into my eyes with the hold of a king and answered in the voice of an angel, “My name is Vishnu.” I am spellbound. This was my second synchronicity. Here is why. This little boy’s name was not Johnny or Tommy; his name was Vishnu, a major god in Hinduism who is normally depicted with four arms. In each hand he holds something symbolic. In one hand he holds a conch shell because its sound ‘Om’ represents the sound of creation. In another hand he holds a chakra (small weapon) which represents the purified mind. In another hand he holds a lotus flower which represents spiritual liberation. In another hand he holds a mace which represents great spiritual, physical and mental strength.
I felt astounded and humbled that a little child with a prominent and religious Hindu name would so randomly cross my path. This synchronistic experience felt not only meaningful to me but transcendent. Why? Because I am in a personal transition and I felt it was yet another sign of Katie’s presence, a Devine presence or both supporting me.
Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S., CGP
Author of When Every Day Matters (Simple Abundance Press)
Friday, May 28, 2010
What it Means to Grieve a Loss
When you open yourself up to love, you open yourself up to loss. When you suffer a loss, you will experience the painful emotion we call grief. It’s a natural response to loss, yet to the person going through this emotion, the experience feels overwhelming. I would like to help you understand that going through it means it is a process, not an event and, depending on the personal connection you have to person who has died, it is very individual. And yet, the grieving process itself is universal: we feel sad when we experience loss.
Because we will all suffer loss as part our life’s journey, we will all need time and spiritual healing to recover. But our world wants us to hurry up and get on with things. This demand – whether from society or someone in our life – doesn’t work with the grieving process because loss, as love, is embedded deep in our souls and it cannot be rushed.
When someone you loved has died, your life feels different because it is different. In your grief process ,you will long and ache for the person. If you have lost a beloved child, your grief will go on and on, and you will need to find a new purpose in your life to survive. That is what helps me, trying to help you; that is my new purpose.
Sometimes we mistakenly believe that loss and grief exist only when someone we love dies but loss and grief are felt in other life circumstances, too. Presently, I’m experiencing a sense of loss over our much loved pastor’s transfer, a deep loss for me and collectively for our parish community.
Because grief surfaces with situations other than death, look over some additional examples of loss which you may have experienced. They also deserve recognition for their importance in your spiritual healing and well-being.
Loss of your marriage and the family life you wanted for youself and your children.
Loss of a home you loved and that shared circle of close friends.
Loss of trust in your own judgment after a terrible betrayal.
Loss of your job.
Loss of financial security.
Loss of your health.
Loss that comes with a disability.
Loss of your youth.
Loss of never marrying.
Loss of the courage to live your own life.
Loss suffered with infertility issues.
Loss of a friend or family member through addiction or mental illness.
Loss that you will never have the mom or dad or siblings that you needed.
Loss of your parent stolen by dementia or Alzheimer’s.
Loss of the kids when they leave for pre-school, college, marriage, or independent living.
Loss of your family pet.
Loss when you realize your child will never have a story-book life.
Loss of not having grandchildren.
Loss of not seeing your grandchildren because you are denied visitation.
Loss of your dreams.
Loss of your faith – once strong and unshakeable – now dim or nonexistent.
As you can see, these are examples of other losses people have shared with me. Maybe they even touch on your loss.
When we are grieving a loss, we often feel we want to be alone and we pull away from others. This isolates us more. This pulling away causes the loneliness of loss to increase. This loneliness can move our grief into a depression and then – worse – into despair, a dark hole that is much harder to climb out of and much more difficult to recover from than grief.
Don’t go it alone. Remember what Winnie the Pooh once remarked, “You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”
Here are some suggestions to get you out of your corner of the forest:
One Share your pain with compassionate family members and friends.
Two Talk with a rabbi, priest, minister or person of faith.
Three Find a counselor who understands loss personally and clinically.
Four Nourish you body, rest frequently, exercise moderately.
Five Commit to volunteer somewhere.
Seven Receive hugs from comforting supporters.
Remember, it takes great courage and work to survive your shattering losses and your grief is testimony to the love you were able to give. And remember, my friends, you are remarkable each morning when you get out of bed, put your feet on the floor, and ask for the grace to make this day and Every Day Matter.
Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S., CGP
Author of When Every Day Matters (Simple Abundance Press)
www.WhenEveryDayMatters.com
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